Kagome
by sanfran
Summary: COMPLETE! He loves her. She's his world, his life. His love. She loves him too, but something is pulling her back. He would do anything to make her happy. But all she wants him to do is let go. InuxKag, AU
1. Rain

When he first saw her, there was something in his brain that clicked. Something about her lying there on the grass. And then he saw her face and somehow something in his heart quietly acknowledged her as the one that would make him better. Without realizing it, Inuyasha fell in love with her, a woman he didn't know.

She was lying on the lawn, her hair splayed around her head like black silk on the coarse grass. One arm was draped across her stomach, the other above her head, and then above that the stars in the sky. A long leg trailed onto the driveway. Each breath she took came out as a silent snore. Her half-unbuttoned blouse was bunched high up on her waist, and in her hand she held a bottle of God-knows-what.

The party had been over for a good hour or so. All the cars had disappeared from the street, taking their drivers safely back into the comfort of their beds.

Inuyasha stared down at the girl who lay in her own bed of clovers. The grass was covered with paper cups and beer cans and cigarette butts, like dandelions in a junkyard. Her tan skin shone in the darkness from the light of the moon, and he stood in wonder at the thick dark lashes that rested on her cheek. He thought he should get her off her back, in case she choked on her own vomit, but he was frightened that she might wake up, and then he wouldn't know where he'd find himself then. He didn't think he could lose himself anymore then he was should he see himself reflected in her deep dark eyes. He was quite sure of it.

He searched the street to see if there were any cars still parked besides his own. There were none. She had walked here, he guessed.

He decided to take her home.

Home? Where would a creature like her call home? He should wake her up, he knew, but still he didn't think he would be able to meet her eyes and not get lost. He didn't think he could handle it. So he would just take her to his place, just for the night. He bent down and gently pried the empty bottle from her hand. Slowly, he scooped her light form into his arms. He watched her face apprehensively and waited for those dark lashes to rise from their resting-place. She continued to snore gently.

Out like a light.

Opening his car door he carefully placed her in the passenger seat. He got in and slammed the door shut and breathed in heavily. The fragrant scent of her skin lingered in his nose. Rain.

He started the engine and the car made its way down the street. Back to his place.

Breaking at a red light, he glimpsed at her cautiously from the corner of his eye. Should he have left her where she was? Maybe she had been waiting for someone to take her home. Maybe. But who? Whoever it was, they were late. Why would anyone want to leave her lying on the grass in the cold anyway, he thought. Anything can happen. Yes, he should have just left her there. Someone had definitely been taking care of her before he'd come along. They had probably just left to take a piss or something. She had been waiting for them to come back and take her home.

He laughed. Even in his head it sounded ridiculous. He knew. It had been him she'd been waiting for.


	2. Can Not

"I can't."

Why? Why can't you?

"I…I just can't."

I don't understand.

"Just…please…I can't…I can't explain."

Try. Help me understand.

"Inuyasha…"

Help me.

"Say something!"

He opened his mouth. Say what? What could he possibly say to her that would make her stay with him? I can't. I can't. What couldn't she? Didn't she love him? He didn't understand. Hadn't she said it herself, that she loved him as much as he loved her? I can't. I can't. Was it that she couldn't, or was it that she didn't want to. I won't. I won't. It had been a joke, her love, the weeks gone by, the things they'd shared. He'd found things inside himself he thought he'd lost, but she had only accidentally shown them to him while she bewitched him with her magic smiles. And he thought it had been on purpose, too.

"Inuyasha, please."

Please what? Didn't she understand that he loved her? That she was his world? Without her he was nothing and his heart would die without her words and her touch to bring sunshine in his eyes and warmth to his fingertips. He loved her more than love itself, and he would give anything to make her happy. Anything.

"Please Inuyasha..."

Anything.

"Just let me go."

Anything.

"Let me…

To make her.

go."

Happy.


	3. Ramen

He stared at her in awe. How could anybody look so attractive draped across the couch while eating a bowl of ramen?

She was wearing one of his t-shirts; a baggy grey thing that hung down to her knees and nothing underneath except for her underwear, presumably. He gulped. Admiring the charm of the messy bun perched atop her head and the way her collarbones stretched like wings across her upper chest, she caught him staring. He stared back at her, unafraid to make eye contact with her nose.

She gave him a simple smile and turned back to the television.

This was not like him. Inuyasha Taisho did not fall for girls like this. He was never afraid to make eye contact with a woman; it was always the other way around. He did not take them to his home after a wild night of drugs and alcohol, unconcerned with the consequences of what they would think the morning after, and he certainly did not sit on a stool drooling over their collarbones. That was just not what he did.

Of course, he had been completely unaware of the click in his brain that night, so you can't really blame him much. It had been a little thing.

He flinched visibly as she pushed herself off the couch. She yawned and to put him in an even more uncomfortable position, emphasized this yawn by stretching her arms up, which in turn brought the grey shirt higher up her thighs then he could manage. With a feline grace she picked up her bowl of ramen and prowled over to him. He watched her movement with uncaring eyes but inside his eyes had just rolled into the back of his head.

"Do you want the rest?"

He looked down. She'd barely eaten any, hardly half of it.

"No. You can just put it by the sink."

Her shoulder brushed his and he shuddered. He was beginning to regret taking her in. This morning _was_ the morning after, and already he could feel his world spinning out of control. His loft was much too small for the both of them, despite the minimalism of his furniture and the massive windows looking out to the busy street. He was a photographer, an artist; it was how he liked to live.

She hadn't even mentioned about going back home yet. In fact, she hadn't mentioned anything about her staying there. She had woken up, puked some in the toilet, accepted the Advil he'd given her and then gone back to sleep. Then she's woken up again, taken a shower and dried off (using HIS towel by the way) and then gone into his closet and pulled out a shirt. Then she'd strolled into his kitchen, put the kettle on the stove and made herself some ramen. Simple as that.

He looked around. She had gone back into his room. She didn't even care if they'd had sex or anything. He blushed. Not that they had. But he thought a girl looking like her would care about that sort of thing. She reappeared in the kitchen wearing the blouse and jeans she'd been wearing yesterday, now fresh out of the wash. He watched as she slipped into her shoes and unlocked the door, opened it, and stepped out. He stayed where he was. What a girl. Suddenly, he jumped. Wait, did she just leave?

Not for the first time that day, Inuyasha sat on his stool shocked out of his mind.

And then her pretty little head peeped out from around the corner.

"Well, are you coming or not?"


	4. Mr Balloon

He likes fall. She prefers spring. She says the air feels cleaner when all the plants are growing back. He likes it quiet; she likes things loud, because the quiet makes her feel alone. Her favorite colour is blue. So is his. They both love the rain.

Something about her made him want to like spring, like things noisy. Crowded, happy, talkative, loud as hell. That was everything she was.

That day they'd gone into the streets, to go 'shopping'. It was something that Inuyasha had heard of, but had never done, excluding shopping for food. But with Kagome Higurashi, you didn't just shop for food. You shopped for everything. That day was a day he'd remember for the rest of his life, the whirlwind of sights and sounds and smells that he hadn't experienced ever in his life, and he had lived there his _whole_ life.

He brought his camera with him. Black and white snapshots of the crowded streets milling with people; Chinatown had never been busier. Kagome pulled him along like a dog on a leash and he only happily complied. She pointed at the kiosks, tugging on his hair like a child so his face was an inch away from the things on sale. Chattering nonstop, yelling at the top of her lungs to be heard above the crowd. She laughed and showed him the colourful balloons let loose in the sky.

"Look Inuyasha! Take a picture, quick!"

Snap. The image was captured in his camera, something he would keep forever. Kagome, smiling at the sky as the balloons rose behind her, the sun caught in her hair. He felt her hand grasp his. He felt he was one of them, floating with the clouds.


	5. Days Like This

"Who hurts you?"

"Nobody hurts me." She smiled at the silly question.

"But you've been hurt before."

She chuckled. "Well of course, everybody's been hurt before."

He hated her like this. She always demeaned her pain like it was nothing to worry about. She never wanted him to worry about her. But it was the only thing he knew how to do. The past weeks they had spent every single day together, every minute, from morning until night. He didn't want it to change.

They were sitting on a little hill of sand. It was their favorite place to be. By the beach, near the water, listening to the waves rising and falling along the shore. Today you couldn't tell the sky from the water, they were the same colour of grey-blue that seemed to reflect off one another. He sighed. On days like this he knew she was thinking.

No matter how happy he was, there was always that horrible feeling in his heart. He knew it was dread. He dreaded the day that she would leave him. And he knew that one day she would; he would wake up and any trace of her from his home would be gone. There would be no singing, no laughing, no constant chatter, no patter of feet on his concrete floor. No one would bother to open the windows. Nobody would be there to suggest going out for dinner, not to that place they went to last time, let's try something new.

He loved her. He already knew that and so did she. He hoped that she loved him also, but a girl like her you could never be sure.

A gust of wind blew from the water. Inuyasha watched her hair sweep past her shoulders and she closed her eyes, breathing in the salty air. She rubbed her arms in the cold. Taking off his sweater he draped it over her little form, eyes wandering over her bruised arms.

The bruises. He wanted to kill somebody every time he saw them. He didn't know where or how the hell she got them. He was with her 24/7, and he didn't ever see her fall or hurt herself. Yet, new bruises would appear every week, on her legs, all over her body. He never asked her about them, for fear she would leave him. Things would have to be weighed before he said them because he knew that one wrong move would push her away and cause her to disappear. He could see it on her face and the faraway look in her eyes. She yearned for something and he knew it was his fault that she couldn't have it. She stayed for him. He knew he should feel happy knowing that she cared for him, but really the only thing he felt was guilt. The way a ball and chain would feel, dragging her down into the water and watching her drown.

He watched the blades of grass quiver in the wind. He felt so small. It was discomforting, all this dread and guilt. But then one look at Kagome and he forgot it all. He'd never felt comfortable around anybody except during the brief moments he'd spent with his mother before she died. With Kagome, he was home. Anywhere she was he would feel like he was home.

She was amazing, this girl. Her laughing, smiling. Not like those bubbly ditzes on television who cackled at everything and fought for the limelight. With Kagome, the sunshine followed her no matter what because she was a beautiful woman. An enigma forever. He didn't know anything about her past, but he knew everything about her. She never told him where she was from, where she lived, where her family was, just nothing.

Inuyasha guessed it was alright that way, but he couldn't stop himself from being curious on grey-blue days like this.


	6. The Closed Window

He opened his eyes. Why did everything look so bland today?

He got out of bed. The floor was cold. They'd forgotten to turn on the heat again. He chuckled.

The birds were singing, but it sounded muffled. Not like it usually was.

Inuyasha shuffled into the kitchen. He hummed to fill the quiet.

The sun was out, but it looked weak this morning. It fought to shine through the glass of the window.

He opened it.

He put the kettle on the stove. He felt the breeze on his neck.

Wait.

The window.

The glass of the closed window.

Wait.

The quiet.

The cold.

The grey.

No.


	7. An Ocean

"No, Inuyasha, just leave!"

She was drunk, out of her mind. She didn't know what she was saying. He took her hand and tried to drag her out of the thrumming mass of dancing people. She yanked her arm away.

"No! I'm not going anywhere with you!"

She stumbled her way through the crowd to the bar and ordered another drink. The lights were blinking on and off and the music was turned up so loud the entire club was bumping with the bass. Turning away from him she flopped down on the seat. Inuyasha followed close behind. She downed the shot and prepared to get up again. He was about to grab her arm, convince her to leave this hell-hole, when suddenly, a tall man with shaggy hair approached her and put his arm around her waist.

"Hey Kags, whatsup."

Kagome giggled and leaned her head against his shoulder. Inuyasha stared in shock. How dare he think he could touch her like that! He began to see red. With a cry of anger he shot forward and pushed the man, who stumbled backwards.

"Get your hands off of her!"

The man brushed himself off. "Chill out, dude!" He swept his greasy hair off his face. Inuyasha spotted the bruises on his forearms. They looked just like Kagome's. Suddenly he began to notice the delay in the man's movements, the blurry look in his eyes. Inuyasha looked around and noticed the same thing for every person there. He didn't understand. What kind of club was this? And what was Kagome, his Kagome, doing there?

"Don't touch her again!" he shouted.

The man sneered. He turned to Kagome and with painful laziness tucked a strand of hair behind her ear with a long, bony finger. She hiccuped in response. He laughed. Inuyasha snarled. That was it, he'd just crossed the line. He lunged at the man, bringing his arms around his waist, and head-butted his stomach, making him fall flat onto his back. Nobody paid them any attention as they swayed to the hypnotic music. Inuyasha pushed himself up, and for extra measure gave the man a kick in the ribs, who simply turned over onto his side and moaned.

Suddenly, somebody spun him around. Inuyasha was met with Kagome's face, stone cold and fiery. Her eyes, on the contrary, were bright and clear, her anger made obvious with her flushed face and straight-set mouth.

"Inuyasha, leave!"

He took her hand. "No, Kagome, we're leaving together."

She pushed him off with a strength he didn't know her tiny body had. "No Inuyasha," She slurred. "You can't keep doing this. You can't keep following me. You need to go."

Why was she doing this? "I'm not going anywhere without you."

To his surprise, her eyes filled with tears. She shouted to be heard over the music.

"Inuyasha just leave me alone!" The tears were streaming down her face. "I left you because I needed to." She was sobbing now. He froze at the pain in her voice. How could she ask him to leave her? Not now, when he'd just found her again.

"Can't you see?" She waved her arm over the people dancing, the loud music, the bar. "You don't belong here. You just...just leave me, Inuyasha. Please."

She turned to leave. Before he knew it, she had sunk back into the ocean of bodies, disappearing with the flashing lights. Inuyasha could hear nothing, only the echo of her words in his brain as he backed away, through the crowd, out the front door, into his car, back home.

_I'm not going anywhere with you_

_I left because I needed to_

_Just leave me alone_

_You don't belong here_

_Just leave me, Inuyasha. Please_

_Just leave_

_Just leave_

_Just leave me,_

_Please. _


	8. Sew Me

The gallery had called him. They wanted him to know that they had received his photos and were very impressed with his work, and would gladly host his debut show. Inuyasha set a date, jotted down the details and thanked them. Then he'd hung up.

He didn't feel a thing. Nothing went through his head, except what Kagome might be doing at that exact moment.

Did she miss him? Did she remember him at all?

It had been so long, but she'd been the only thing on his mind every day during that time. It seemed like a dream, yet every moment they had spent together was painfully vivid in his mind as he relived the times in Chinatown, the laughter, and the hill of sand. He even missed those grey-blue days he used to dread. Back then, she had been with him, dread or not.

The silence was horrifying, he though he might go deaf.

Was he in a nightmare?

His heart, it hurt, literally. Had he ever experienced such heartbreak before? The sorrow and grief was torturing him, everything he saw reminded him of her face and every sound he heard of her laughter. Oh god, he was going to die. He doubled over, holding his stomach as sobs wracked his body but no tears escaped from his eyes. What was happening to him?

She had left, and with her she had taken his voice and his will to live. What was there for him? What was it that pushed him to get out of bed each morning, to lift the fork to his mouth, to force his teeth to chew, his throat to swallow? What was stopping him from going to bed and never waking up; nothing. Nothing, but the hope that one day she might return to him and use her gentle hands to sew his bleeding heart back together.

He'd give anything to have her by his side again.


	9. Painting Black and Blue

He opened the door. There she was. Beautiful as ever.

He let her in. She hadn't brought anything with her. So she wasn't staying? She turned around and kissed him. Kissed him hard with her soft lips.

He could taste the salt of her tears as they streamed from her eyes, he could hear her soft whimper. She'd grown so thin. She hadn't been eating.

Bringing her arms around his neck she pushed her body against his, almost desperately, deepening the kiss. He complied. Using her small, nimble hands she lifted his shirt over his head. The cold of her skin gave him goosebumps. Inuyasha wanted to make her warm.

She wrapped her long legs around his waist and he grabbed her bottom to support her as he brought her over to the kitchen counter. Sitting her down he lifted her shirt over her head and tugged her pants off her legs. The tears continued to stream down her face.

Inuyasha stopped. Gently he dried her cheeks with his thumbs. He kissed her forehead, her chin, her nose, her eyes. She took a deep breath.

"Kagome, we don't have to do this." He whispered.

Her eyes flew open. Her cold, tiny hands grasped his face until her nose was a hairs-width away from his.

"No. I want this. Please." She said. He'd never seen her like this before. Tears clung to her long lashes but the look of longing in her eyes said more. It was the same look she had when she was wanting, except this time she wanted him. _I want this. _She said it with passion, fiercely, like she really did. Inuyasha stared deep into her eyes. Those eyes he'd been afraid to meet.

"Make me feel, Inuyasha." She said.

He brought his lips roughly against hers and she responded immediately, arching against his bare chest. Inuyasha reached behind her back and unclasped her bra, sliding it from between them and throwing it to the floor. His kisses traveled downwards to her neck and he began to suckle at her pulse point. She moaned, tightening her legs around his waist, pressing his arousal harder in between her legs. Inuyasha's legs buckled beneath him as he fought for control.

She was perfect, this tiny woman that could bring him to his knees. He watched her face the whole time as he kicked off his own clothes and ripped off her panties. He took in her closed eyes and her parted pink lips as he thrust into her again and again. He fell in love with her even more as they stared into each other's eyes, as they came simultaneously and as she collapsed into his arms, bringing her sweaty forehead against his hot neck. He kissed her shoulder. Still inside of her, he carried her to his bed and lay them down under the blankets, with her little form tucked under his arm.

"Inuyasha…"

"Yes."

"I…"

She paused. He waited. Suddenly, she snored. She was fast asleep. He smiled. Whatever she had to tell him, she could say in the morning.

He'd never felt more complete. He hoped that whatever plagued her mind, he'd helped alleviate, if only a little bit. He tenderly stroked her arms, which were more bruised then ever. Her whole body was a painting of black and blue. He wanted to die, but at the same time live, as she gave him a reason to.

Slowly, he pulled out of her. She squirmed, but remained sleeping. Slowly, he reached over her to his bedside table, where his camera was, and picked it up. He knew it was strange, doing it like this when she was sleeping, but she'd never been more beautiful and he'd never been more in love.

He took a picture of her. He wanted to remember this moment forever, with Kagome exactly as she was; black hair splayed around her head, thick lashes resting on her cheek. One hand beneath her head, the other across her chest with the white sheets crinkled and tucked beneath her arm. The bare ball of her shoulder was smooth, and the bruises on her arms so dark. Even with the massive bags under her eyes and her whole body consisting of skin and bone, she was still a work of art.


	10. Kagome

She died on a Monday morning, in the spring.

So many people had come to her funeral; her grandparents, friends, the man with the shaggy hair. People that hadn't known her as he had.

It was raining. The day she died.

Maybe he should have seen it coming. He knew that she was dying, he just didn't know it would be so soon. He had cancelled his show at the gallery to take care of her. If only he'd known what it was earlier, he thought maybe he could have made it less painful. It had been so obvious. The extreme weight loss, the bruises. She would sleep everyday until late past noon, waking up drenched in her own sweat.

He missed her. She was gone now, died in her sleep. She hadn't woken up one morning and he kept shaking her until it became violent, and he'd gotten up and screamed so loud that it rang in his ears. He'd turned things over and broke everything in his loft.

Then he crawled back into bed with her and fell asleep, so that when he woke up she would be alive again. His eyes opened half an hour later and he'd just stayed in bed, not daring to look behind him at the pale face of his love. Dead Love.

He sighed. There were no tears left since that morning.

The gallery had called him again, offering him another chance at a show. One of the photographers had cancelled on them, and they had been really impressed with his work, saying they couldn't possibly let a talent like his go to waste.

His work. His photos. They were all pictures of Kagome. Kagome laughing, Kagome singing, Kagome cooking, playing. Kagome sleeping, with bruises on her arms. Kagome looking up at the balloons in the sky.

Without her he would be nothing. But now _she_ was nothing, just a body, cold and hard.

Leukemia. She'd had it for a while, her grandparents said. They had taken her to the doctor, but then after a while the treatments had stopped working. She had wanted to live life to its fullest, she had always been that way, living like there was no tomorrow. Only in her case it had been true. That explained it. All the times she had run away from him, then came running back into his arms. When she found out she wasn't going to live much longer, she ran away from home, and they hadn't seen her since then. Until today. Dead Love.

She had wanted to live, but she didn't know how. All she wanted was to be loved.

Today, the day of her funeral, it was sunny. The sun was shining and the birds were singing, and the plants were growing. Inuyasha felt like the air was cleaner.

The people who came to his showcase were awed. Who is this woman? They had asked. Where can we meet her? What is she to you? Your muse? Your lover?

She had been everything to him; his muse, his lover, and so much more. Nothing could express what he felt for her. His work of art. Everything that was beautiful about her; her mind, spirit, body, smile, her eyes.

He breathed in. Everyone had left the cemetery, leaving only him to stand by her headstone.

"I miss you, Kagome." He whispered.

And then he saw them. Floating in the blue sky. Balloons. It was a sign from her. The colourful balloons, just like she had been, flying higher and higher, ever out of his reach. But he smiled. She was telling him that she was alright. She had never told him, but he knew it now. She had loved him like he had loved her.

And he felt he was one of them, floating with the clouds.


End file.
